The Beauty In-Between: Coping with Change
By Jess Picco – Lynn Valley Counselling Intern Counsellor
“Liminality is the state of being ‘in-between,’ swaying between where you are and where you are headed.”
A new season has started – maybe it’s a career change, an end of a relationship, the loss of a loved one, or any number of factors within or outside of your control. Whatever the change is, it’s rippling out into all areas of your life. Suddenly, you’re navigating unknowns, unsure of what comes next. And guess what? That’s perfectly okay. You’re not alone, and you’re exactly where you need to be. Let’s embrace the beautiful mess of liminality together.
So, what is liminality? It’s the state of being ‘in-between,’ swaying between where you are and where you are headed. It can be a scary, confusing, frustrating, and surprising place to be. Without solid footing, we feel unsure and untethered and yet this instability is an experience we return to throughout our lives. Here, in the in-between, I’ll discuss how liminality impacts our psychological, social, and environmental lives, and what we can do about these changes to find beauty in the in-between.
What does liminality invite into our lives?
Life’s best friend is change, and with change comes a messy newness created by a loss and appreciation of what was and excitement, fear, or pondering of what can be. Being in the in-between is a common and collective experience for students, refugees, new parents, the recently divorced and the children of the recently divorced, and so many others. Liminality is an opportunity for personal and collective growth, often provided through the challenge that feeling stuck or uncomfortable brings. The COVID-19 pandemic is an example of how change creates shifts in us, our relationships, and the wider community and environment. The stuckness of a liminality produces a challenge of opposites. For example: Earlier COVID-19 life was seen on a plane of sickness and health, inside or outside, change or resist. While these binaries offer some guidance to navigate an unpredictable context, each extreme brought influential change to our lives and now, we can be found in the middle of these parallels. We are more cautious to protect our communities from sickness and more appreciative of the health we experience. The COVID-19 pandemic highlights, painfully and presently, how we can reflect on past experiences to move through states of transition.
So, how do we cope with being in-between?
You’re probably feeling a mix of emotions and instability, but how you experience these changes are unique to your context, resources, and level of in-between (and beyond the in-between) awareness. How we respond to change may depend on our perception of and actual control over the factors contributing to change. The availability and accessibility of resources also define the boundaries of change. An article by Hartonen and colleagues (2021) discussed how refugees and asylum seekers perceive their control over change within a context that is uncontrollable and context dependent. In this state of actual limbo, the authors comment on how we cannot disconnect ourselves from the context, and that context helps us to know where our coping comes from and what kind of agency can be built to cope with uncertainty (Hartonen et al., 2021).
One of the ways to acknowledge the in-between and make change is to assess our internal and external resources – These are the ways we cope on our own and together which can be done through pod mapping, developed by Mia Mungus (Bay Area Transformative Justice Collective (BTJC), 2016). Originally described in the context of responding to violence and harm, pod mapping offers a way for us to examine our own webs of interpersonal and communal safety and support (BTJC, 2016). See the resource section at the end of this blog for more information!
The state of liminality poses an opportunity for growth.
In exploring undergraduate student’s experience of liminality in writing, Fogarty and colleagues (2022) described the in-between context as the space where “uncertainty is amplified…” (Fogarty et al., 2022, p. 265). Where there is uncertainty, there is an-between. These authors stressed that how we participate in liminal spaces exposes the inherent possibility for change (Fogarty et al., 2022). The question of liminality is how you will seize this opportunity for change and where you have the power to make changes in your life.
Are we ever beyond truly beyond liminality?
Now, we know what the liminality can look like, feel like, and what we can and cannot do about its role in our lives. So, here’s some food for thought: Are we ever truly beyond the in-between? This question is not intended to spark fear, but to encourage the discovery of agency and acceptance of the uncertainties we face as a natural constant to life. Knowing we are always, in some way, part of a liminal space invites us to practice entering that in-between with the perspective and action towards the potential it offers. We all have and will experience the in-between. The beauty of the in-between is getting to know what happens next and playing a part, on any scale, in getting us to what is and what will be.
Want to build your community amidst uncertainty? Try pod mapping:
Pods and Pod Mapping Worksheet by Mia Mingus for the BATJC (June 2016)
https://batjc.wordpress.com/resources/pods-and-pod-mapping-worksheet
Are you ready to act in the liminal space? Here’s a podcast to check out:
How to Reinvent Yourself & Make The Greatest Comeback Ever by Mel Robbins Podcast (October 2018)
https://www.melrobbins.com/podcasts/episode-224
Want support with the in-between? Meet with a Lynn Valley Counsellor:
https://lynnvalleycounselling.janeapp.com
References
Hartonen, V. R., Väisänen, P., Karlsson, L., & Pöllänen, S. (2022). A stage of limbo: A meta‐ synthesis of refugees’ liminality. Applied Psychology, 71(3), 1132-1167.
Fogarty, M., Kerrigan, P., O’Brien, S., & Farrell, A. (2020). “I Can’t Go On, I’ll Go On”: Liminality in Undergraduate Writing.
Robbins, M. (October 2018). How to Reinvent Yourself & Make The Greatest Comeback Ever by Mel Robbins Podcast
https://www.melrobbins.com/podcasts/episode-224
Mungus, M. (June 2016). Bay Area Transformative Justice Collective
https://batjc.wordpress.com/resources/pods-and-pod-mapping-worksheet
